Encouraging me to be the evil character I dream of being, in their own ways, and listening to me scream as I struggle. It’s a small thing to anyone else maybe but I appreciate you guys because it’s really really really difficult for me. Maybe one day I’ll graduate to stealing food from babies and mixing skittles, m&ms, and reeses in the same candy bowl.

it’s so hard guys

I met @Third-Eye on when we were in a a semi-boring scene on a somewhat dysfunctional game and a had a couple extremely dry pages about how low-stakes everything was. I quickly realized this was one of my people.

Even though I got swallowed whole by things I feel like I had some of the most fun creative/hobby moments with you (and the Cerb gang) and I even learned a little about what works/doesn’t work as a writer.

Pals 4 ever!

(And hey, if you’re looking for a place to play in the future, hit me up. I’m probably down)

@Testament Just make sure to bring the tupperware back when you’re finished, and don’t exceed the speed limit by more than 5 mph on your way home. If you need gas, stop by Casey’s, Kwik Trip and don’t forget to check out Kroger’s deals on fresh produce.

FTFY

@tsar Boy golly, I already regret sharing my quaint midwestern customs.

I don’t believe you. I think you derived joy from being shocked and appalled by my driving.

I am super worried I will miss people and I APOLOGIZE IN ADVANCE. I am writing this as I scroll through the thread and I thought about doing it in a spreadsheet and then sorting it alphabetically but I mean…I need to make dinner eventually.

@tsar - from my earliest days on Arx with Ida, I remember Laurent always being SO ACTIVE. I mostly remember fun channel stuff, and then Edain’s wedding, and some weapons rp. When I took Gwenna, you and @snackness always made me feel like such a part of Laurent! Discovering IC things with you guys was such a joy and so freaking cool Every thing you’ve run that I’ve been on, whether with Ida or Gwenna, or IC event or prp - I always end those sessions feeling like, gosh. I forgot how much I love stories and rp.

@snackness - I just adore you and loved all of the rp we have had! I miss Thena and Jael but am so grateful for the awesome IC stories I got to share with them.

@karmabum - I love our enemies-to-friends history I’m so glad we crossed paths again, even if I didn’t stay on Spirit Lake very long! I super enjoy your posts and humor and ESPECIALLY getting to talk Pern.

@Pyrephox - I have always enjoyed your rp, though didn’t get to really do a one-on-one scene until I needed a marriage contract done. It was just the most delightful rp! I love that we get to chat even if we may not really get to rp.

@helvetica - Every alt of yours that I’ve had the fortune to rp with, I have marveled at the awesomeness of the rp and how much life you bring to a character. Your life attitude and wit are pretty amazing too!

@Rathenhope - Just when I thought no one would EVER play Austen, you took him and helped breath some very cool life into Ferron that I could not have done myself Our dead mom who oops isn’t dead and coming up with backstories, etc, really brought another amazing dimension to Ida for me.

@ham - OMG OMG OMG. Redmarch for life Our meeting up IC was utterly random and mostly unexpected, but the friendship between Aethan and Gwenna is one of my favorite IC friendships across all the games I’ve ever played. Your rp is always incredibly thoughtful and invested, and they are scenes I treasure! All the OOC funny things as well - like ‘haha’ and countless other stuff. I am glad we became friends.

@Roz - I want to be you when I grow up. Your rp is always beyond and your kindness in helping me with more things than you probably remember is something I am always appreciative and grateful for. Your talent and ability to discuss things with such clarity and insight is something I envy and admire.

@sao - Same as above! You are an incredible person and I marvel not only at how many characters you’ve written, but the sheer DEPTH of every one of them! I’m partial to Gwenna, of course, and still gush about the amazing little details that make her incredible to play. And yet those details aren’t walls - you manage to leave all these open avenues so players can take their character almost anywhere. It is freaking amaaazing. You’ve helped me a lot, too, with questions and just listening, which I super appreciate.

@meg - I loved you the moment you posed Myrinda at the first Crafter’s dinner and I’ve continued to love both your characters and writings in the community. Thank you, too, for creating the discord for us all!

@Narson - History ftw! Thank you for pulling Ida into so many adventures! And building a siege yard I’m very grateful that you opened up new doors for me to explore and always invite me along.

@crawfish - I mean…I don’t even know how to express how amazing I think you are! Those early days of the crafter’s guild and all the ridiculous fun we had…legendary times. Even if my son likes your art better than mine Speaking of, your cat pictures, especially the one of Luke - the heart you put into your creative endeavors often brings tears to my eyes.

@Dreampipe - Gosh you are so enjoyable to rp with! We’ve never had deep scenes, but riding on the back of an elk in one guise, and AoPs with the other have always left me smiling. I still feel like an utter asshole for misreading an inform and just…being an asshole. You put the pic my son did as the model for your sword and like - man. Thank you for being so understanding and gracious.

@dvoraen - SPREADSHEETS AND MEW And for talking code in spreadsheet language so I can understand it

@farfalla - While we haven’t gotten to really rp much, that you were there and ready to help when I had to host my first (and only) AoP meant so very much. I am not a spotlight liking kind of rp’er and those sorts of things give me so much anxiety. Your being there was beyond helpful in calming that.

@tieflinguist - I’m not sure we’ve managed to rp but omg you are just a delight! On chan, on communities - your humor and quit-wittiness is really a joy. I love your cat stories!

@Testament - I remember you as Fergus and enjoyed the rp we had when I was early on Gwenna. I am glad you are still around the game and that things are better in life.

@Apos, @hellfrog, @Herja, Puffin, @Smile and others I don’t know exactly who are doing all the amazing things that are Arx. I really didn’t want to MU again, but the game has and remains too engaging to really walk away from.

Sam/OG Edain who FB’d me one day (because I was not Discordy til like 2018) asking if I would come check out a game. I had quit MU’g for a few years by then and had ZERO interest or intention on getting back into it. RL had been rough and wasn’t quite done yet. Had it been anyone else I would have explained that, but it was Sam. He suggested Ida and Leona and I was like, Leona looks like more than I can invest in or handle, so I app’d Ida. I really didn’t plan to stay, but dammit, I got to design the great weapons and make stuff and use 256 colors and…well. Also Jesse, who took Darren in late 2017 and was like TAKE A REDRAIN WITH ME. I’m terrible at picking my own characters and they both suggested the perfect ones.

As a whole, I really enjoy this whole community. I am grateful to be part of it along with y’all. I have probably posted more here than I ever did at MSB maybe, because the content and responses have been things that really make me want to engage. Plus all the nifty perks like GREEN SQUARES SO I KNOW I LIKED ALREADY </endnovel>

Edit! <reopennovel> And @Tributary for her amazing friendship and program that DOES ART FOR ME </forrealendnovel>

@Narson It’s not weird if the love is mutual.

If the love isn’t mutual, then it’s stalking

I miss him dearly. When I look back at it now, if I hadn’t lost him when I did, he likely would’ve become some heavy baggage due to the memory and association with my ex during that time of my life. I dunno. Either way, I appreciate you saying that.

@SpaceKhomeini is a really great dude who I played with on a thousand BSG MUSHes and went through the wars with on BS Cerberus a thousand years ago. While we’ve stayed in touch, he dropped out of MUSHing for very understandable adult reasons.

I told him the story of The Great MSB Schism and it dragged him back, dude is PLAYING again now.

This was all my evil plan. Mwahaha, and such. But seriously, dude, you’re a fantastic RPer and one of my favorite far-flung online friends and I hope our interests line up to actually be on the same game again because I’ve missed you as an improv writer a lot.

This thread has got me thinking. I have spoken out loud to the people in the mushing community I have valued, that have been important to me and deserve to be acknowledged for that. But, perception is a funny thing. We can all look at a person through different lenses, and while some of those perceptions are reflected in a positive light, others may have a completely different and negative view. We allow our perceptions, done unconsciously or not, to color the perceptions of those we speak to the most. The reverse is also true, that our own words and opinions and notions will be reflected in those we speak to. Sometimes see people differently than we normally would because of what we have heard, seen, and done to those we care about. Sometimes, it is very difficult to balance yourself in wanting be there for someone who is angry while holding no ill will towards the target.

Or perhaps you angry at someone for a long time, over something that happened a long time ago, and that entire character is defined by incident. Through my life, in particular this year, I have done a great amount of soul-searching, which I have documented in depth in other threads. More so than in other years. In my own personal venture to be a better person than I have been has brought me to a particular realization.

I hold onto too much anger. And rather than accept this and move beyond it, it festers. “No, this person is wrong and I will not let it go until everyone sees that. I won’t give you the satisfaction.” Until the anger at my self-perceived injustice pours out from my eyes like acid.

So, to stay true to the thread of ‘People Doing Things’, I am simply going to apologize to those I have held animosity in my heart. Or had. I have to let go, and over the past few months I have.

In 2017, on Arx, my favorite character was killed. Fergus was my favorite, and I had enjoyed playing him so much. Too much. In the October of that year, my fiance and I of a number of years broke up. To say that I was not myself is an understatement. That character was a lifeline in my world that had been shattered. And I had clung on too tightly. Losing that character was like the last string of a very frayed rope. I held a feeling of resentment towards @hellfrog for playing the NPC that killed the character that November for a long time after that. I am sorry for that, you didn’t deserve that from me.

I appreciate the apology, but this wasn’t actually me. I’ve never played Ruby - though I was online and of consensus with the player at the time.

I have no brain, I have no memory, and I have a LOT of things that I’ve done that people deserve apologies for that will probably never see them (see: literal holes in my brain). I’m not consistent, I’m a total flake, and I have a temper. But I try. It’s the best I can do.

I can’t really do one of these lists right now in specific because seriously, I just don’t have the TIME. All of you. Everyone. You’re all on this list, because you’re HERE. (Or there, honestly; this is more about Existence than Where somebody might participate). Even if you’re just lurking, showing up matters a lot.

EVERYONE here existing has improved the lives of somebody they know absolutely nothing about.

Or perhaps you angry at someone for a long time, over something that happened a long time ago, and that entire character is defined by incident. Through my life, in particular this year, I have done a great amount of soul-searching, which I have documented in depth in other threads. More so than in other years. In my own personal venture to be a better person than I have been has brought me to a particular realization.

I hold onto too much anger. And rather than accept this and move beyond it, it festers. “No, this person is wrong and I will not let it go until everyone sees that. I won’t give you the satisfaction.” Until the anger at my self-perceived injustice pours out from my eyes like acid.

So, to stay true to the thread of ‘People Doing Things’, I am simply going to apologize to those I have held animosity in my heart. Or had. I have to let go, and over the past few months I have.

In 2017, on Arx, my favorite character was killed. Fergus was my favorite, and I had enjoyed playing him so much. Too much. In the October of that year, my fiance and I of a number of years broke up. To say that I was not myself is an understatement. That character was a lifeline in my world that had been shattered. And I had clung on too tightly. Losing that character was like the last string of a very frayed rope. I held a feeling of resentment towards @hellfrog for playing the NPC that killed the character that November for a long time after that. I am sorry for that, you didn’t deserve that from me.

More recently, the loss I suffered from a complicated friendship passing caused me to lash out at just about… a lot of people. And yes, my action was in distinctly poor taste. But in particular, @Herja. I am sorry for what I did, and I understand your response and accepted the outcome. But I’ve already talked enough about that on this board, no need to go over it again.

While I think we’ve managed to get past our previous and at times, vocal disagreements, I am sorry to @IoleRae for things I have said that was in poor taste or perhaps simply tone-deaf. I am happy that we are on a better level and speak freely, the apology needs to be said regardless.

To a minor extent, I’ve had public and vocal disagreements with @Roz, so I should apologize for those as well.

These are really the only ones that come to mind during my tenure on MSB and now here. There’s likely others, people that I have vented about in private, words said, in hindsight, I realize were not worth it. These are just people, as am I. I do not ask or seek out friendship, but to me? On my end, I hold no animosity and wish only peace for you.